Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize