That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
