i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
