i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
