sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You ruined the universe
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