i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
