is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
