So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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