Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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