1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
