I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize