do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
