omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
