Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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