Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
