Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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