so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
