Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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