he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
