I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize