Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize