She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
