textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
