When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
