Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
