Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
