Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
