I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
