Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
