2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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