You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
