So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
