I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
