I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
