You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
