Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
3pm strippers are depressing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize