i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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