That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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