There was a lot of him and a little penis
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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