dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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