I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
