That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
