Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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