dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize