I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
