u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
