I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
