So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
