i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you inspire me to be a worse person
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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