I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
