Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
