Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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