You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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