need another drink. this is the easiest way
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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