I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
