my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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