He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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