ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
