she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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