Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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