; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
