I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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