have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
