I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
