dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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