Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
