Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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