Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
