I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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