i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
