Whod you bang
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize