20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
