My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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