Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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