I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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